Testimonials

Growing up for me was all about keeping peace, trying to be anything and everything anyone else wanted me to be, and staying away from conflict at all costs. I felt responsible for everyone else’s feelings, and actions towards me. One thing was very clear, in my perception. We didn’t talk about anything that might “ruin” the family’s or any family member’s reputation. Feelings other than anger were not recognized as valid or o.k. I believed everyone else was more intelligent than me and rarely voiced a differing opinion. I thought I might offend them or they might not like me anymore. I learned very young to put on my mask daily and not let anyone see the real me, since I believed the real me wasn’t important or worth anything and might actually be damaging to others. If you had asked me, I would have told you I had a “normal” childhood. When I took a personality test in high school it showed me as being hostile. I tried so hard to keep peace with everyone. I couldn’t understand how my test results could say I was hostile. It was exhausting trying to keep up. 

When I had a family of my own, I was going to make it the perfect family. There would be no arguing and fighting. We would protect our kids from ever getting hurt or feeling bad. They would know we loved them beyond a shadow of a doubt. We failed miserably. It was just as exhausting to be responsible for everyone and their actions. When things began falling apart, there was no one to talk to. If I admitted difficulties, I would look like a failure and damage my spouse and kids reputations as well as mine.

It was around this time that I met the Rockey’s and was encouraged to get into a group. I followed their advice and must say it was the best decision of my life. I found the courage to take the mask off and be real. I’ve learned I don’t have to be responsible for everyone else’s thoughts, feelings, or actions. I do, however, have to be responsible for mine. It’s o.k. for me to acknowledge and express my feelings instead of hiding behind the anger (a secondary emotion).  It’s o.k. to have a differing opinion and mine is just as valid as the other person. I still have lots to learn daily, and am committed to doing so. When I look back and see how life used to be, I am so thankful for recovery. I want to become the best person God has intended me to be. The added blessing of all this is that my recovery is rippling through other family members and they are searching out their own recovery.

                                                                       –-Audrey W.--