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I first became aware that I was in extreme mental/emotional pain for no “apparent” reason in 2005 (before that I always had some reason, but this was a huge hole inside even though my life looked fine on the outside). I went to a therapist (went to several therapists before that and since then) and got a few bits of help. The major expressions of this pain have been: I don’t know my heart, I don’t listen to my intuition, I’ve been distant from God, I don’t have a life purpose, I don’t know what I know, but always doubt, question, vacillate and second-guess myself. Wrapped around all of that, I’ve been angry and frustrated--again, for no apparent reason.

Last March, on the advice of my latest therapist (and God-willing, my last), I attended a Rockey’s seminar. I immediately enrolled in a group and have only gone through 2 of the 4 segments in The Journey. But, Wow, I’ve learned so much. One of the most encapsulating insights for me is that because I didn’t/couldn’t connect to either of my parents, I’ve never connected to myself and I have a huge empty hole inside me. My “life of pain” has gone like this: Pain and Emptiness from my childhood – Anxiety and Depression – Pump up my ego to compensate – Get a left brain job (I’m very much right brain) because I believe life is hard – React (get married, adopt a child, work a job I don’t want, buy stuff, have to manage it all) – Get more anxious – Stay busy to mask the pain (God is nowhere in the picture).

I’m starting to get a different vision for my life. What if I stop my busyness, start assuming that Life is easy – God is with me – I can find a fulfilling job predominantly using my right brain – Worry less because I trust God – Stop reacting and start living my life with intention and self-awareness?

I’ve still got a lot of healing to do. Even though I didn’t connect with my parents, I can connect with me. And that’s what matters. Thank you, Ron and Nancy, for showing me the way.            - Lynn P

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