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Anger has been my best friend, my constant companion since as far back as I can remember. Growing up, in my anger, I would physically abuse my siblings on a regular basis. I would also sit in the doorway of my bedroom and rage: scream and cry as hard as I could. It was my only form of relief, even though it wasn’t very relieving for everyone involved. I also didn’t understand what I needed relief from. I only understood that I was angry at everything and everyone. It was an anger with no mission, no focus. It was rampant, irrational, and constant.

One of the most important things that has been said to me regarding anger is, “Anger is a secondary emotion.” There is a primary emotion underlying and fueling that anger. For me, the primary emotion was/is usually fear. Fear of being: violated, abandoned, rejected, betrayed, waking up one day and realizing I really was unworthy to be loved. The list goes on I’m sure.

Once I was able to understand that I was “afraid”, not “angry”, I didn’t need the anger so often because I could call the “fears” by name and bring them to God.

Sometimes I still get angry. I don’t think all anger is bad. Anger let’s you know something’s not right. The difference now is that instead of lashing out at everyone and everything (real or perceived), when I get angry I can immediately address the issue or the person, and let it go.

My rage used to be my energy; my way of life. It’s what kept me alive. Today it exhausts me to get angry and hold on to it. The toll it takes on my physical body is more than it’s worth. The effort is so much less when I address the “core issue” and move on.

I thank God for anger, and for the relief from it. 
--Angel W.--

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